3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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