You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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