Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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