It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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