ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
