There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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