And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
