why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
