I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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