i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
