It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
