Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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