I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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