Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
