I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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