is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Randomize
