Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
