There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
