Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
