I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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