I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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