Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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