I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
