You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
