Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
