Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
