If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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