she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
