she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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