All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
