My nipple is on Facebook.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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