It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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