Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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