They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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