she was so not down for the gang bang
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's the barista slut.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
