Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
