My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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