i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
