this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
