If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
