i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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