i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
