Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
