But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
