It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
