the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
