She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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