Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
