You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
