yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
