mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
