I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
