My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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