Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
