Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
