Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You pole danced in your parka.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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