I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
