I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
