Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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