I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
