can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
