Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
