So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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