so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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