Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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