I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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