so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
