Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
