he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
only you would photoshop your dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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