There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When are your genitals available?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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