yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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