How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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