God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dicks are not precious.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize